Thursday, May 19, 2011
5 Things I Learned from Watching Beyonce and Kelly Rowland Videos
Alright, so clearly I've never actually written about Beyonce here, beyond maybe a few references. Not that I'm too cool for Beyonce, it's just, she gets written about a lot and I really haven't ever had much to add to the conversation. Lately though, I've been hearing a lot of discussions about Beyonce's new single versus Kelly Rowland's new single and when I ran across Beyonce's "Run the World (Girls)" video today on TSS, I was inclined to check them both out and see what all the fuss was about. Here are 5 things that I learned while watching their videos.
1. I believe Lady Gaga, Beyonce and Rihanna are actually all the same person. They pretty much make the same annoying, techno-driven songs, clamor around in black leather in the desert while climbing on top of, and gyrating on strange industrial/Mad Max-like architecture and often feature strange animals that they hold on leashes while trying to look hot. Really, dude. Were those hyenas Beyonce was holding in the video, or ligers? The point is, they're all pretty damn weird. They're like androids. And now, Nicki Minaj, Keri Hilson and Kelly Rowland have joined in the strangeness. I expect to see Ciara next, if she hasn't already.
2. The Mad Max themed videos are old and stupid. From what I understand, the world is ending on Saturday, so maybe that has led some of our coveted poplets to re-hash scenes from the old Mel Gibson movie about the world going to hell in a hand-basket. But if they understood how stupid they actually looked, perhaps they would stop. I know men like for women to look all greasy and sweaty and whatnot, but seriously. The grimy-in-the-desert-or-abandoned-warehouse thing is begging to be laid to rest. Besides, didn't Pac kill that back in like, '96?
3. Beyonce pretty much does the same dances in her videos. I will say that she added a few new moves to "Run the World (Girls)," but mostly I felt like I was watching "Deja Vu" or "Baby Boy" in the Mad Max-ian desert. Maybe she needs to diversify her choreographer roster. LaurieAnn is on E! Just sayin.
4. Being sinfully slutty is not at all sexy. Kelly Rowland has always struck me as a good girl, if not a little air-headed. I guess that now she's trying to be super-duper sexy, but it just came off as strange and disturbing. There are more than a couple of scenes in her "Motivation" video that are freakily similar to the part in the Devil's Advocate when the paintings came to life and started dry-humping and rubbing all over each other. It was creepy as hell, and frankly, I was scared both times.
5. The new R&B sound is to use Drake-like production. Which, all things considered, is kind of tolerable, actually. Honestly, Kelly's song (produced by Jim Jonsin) is pretty jamming. But I'm sure that the minimalistic production that Drake and his producer, 40, or whoever (why was I hoping he was referring to E-40 the first times I heard him call out his name on tracks?) have made popular. "Motivation" definitely sounds like something Jhene Aiko would do, or the Weeknd, or someone of the like. I'm sure we're bound to hear more of that sound, until eventually, we are all properly nauseated.