Thursday, June 24, 2010
Oh Drake! How I Love Thy Sensitive Ass!
Let me count the ways...
1. Thine genuine humility is inspiring. In thine MTV documentary, when thou saidest thou does not want people to call thou the best yet, and thou blinkest with intensity as the pianos of seriousness play frantically behind you, thine genuineness is overwhelming.
2. The off-key crooning that even auto-tunes couldn't fix makes my heart go pitter-patter to the rhythm of thine elongated, overly-melancholy melodies.
3. Thine over-acting in front of the cameras for your MTV documentary made me whole-heartedly believe that you are better than good enough. In fact, you're better than almost good enough to be better than good enough and you're better than almost good enough to capture my heart.
4. When you stared into my eyes for a full 24 seconds while crooning about how I'm the f'ing best, I did not get "weird-ed out" and look away, for I knowest thou looketh-ed at me in love and adulation for my unbridled support of your debut album, and because I twit-pic'd you and showed it to all 246 of my Twitter comrades. I support you, Drake, my love. And thou supportest me with thine Blackberry lyricism.
5. Thou art a truly fine thespian. Thy brilliant turn in that Sprite commercial was among the best of the year, and captured the essence of essence-ness.
6. When thou expressed outrage over thine bum Atlanta BMI show, I appreciated thy realness. Atlantan's do not appreciate your fine talent, such club-going scallywags can never understand the sacrifices thou hast made to bring us your classic rhythms.
7. When you violently demand that you 'better find' my loving and my heart, it doesn't give me flashes of domestic violence or abuse. The pure emotion that thine sensitive ass emits makes my heart swoon.
I can not continue to count the ways that I love thine sensitive ass Drake, for they are too many...
But I shall lovest thine sensitive ass all the days of thine album...
Thank you NOW, Drake.
Thy Truest Love