Thursday, March 4, 2010

Everybody Hates Black Women


I always knew that black women have it bad. And this statement isn't coming from a place of self-loathing or self-pity. I'm just a black woman who has lived in virtually every environment there is to live in-- from all white, to predominantly white, to all black to predominatly black. I've been among the rural and the urban, the rich and the poor. I've seen it from all angles.

And from this I've been able to convincingly conclude that black women have it bad.

The first piece of validation and confirmation that I had for my theory came in 1992, when I heard Ice Cube's "True to the Game."

"Cause soon as y'all get some dough, Ya wanna put a white bitch on your elbow..."

I clearly wasn't the only one who felt like black women were not the priority choice for any successful black man. Then came Wesley Snipes' comments (back when dude was relevant) about how "aggressive" and therefore unattractive black women are. Next up was Cuba Gooding, Jr. and his...well, very existence. Taye Diggs, Michael Jordan... this list goes on and on. But really, I had sort of accepted it. I mean, successful black men regularly chosing white women (or women of another race period) was just part of the game. Their excuses (the social circles are different so white women are more accessible, etc, etc) were still pretty shallow, but easy for me to brush off. 

But then, things started to switch. It seemed as though regular black men started not wanting us too, on many different levels. My validation for this thought came from working in the rap industry. Suddenly artists started thinking it was necessary to have a random white woman validate them. They started passing over black publicists, marketers/promoters, even writers, in favor of white women, who with few exceptions, didn't really even understand the culture or the music. I have a few specific incidents I could share, but, eh.

Still, I sort of shrugged it off... until recently. My buddy, Kevin Johnson (who loves his black wife) sent me this study the other day:

Race and Romance: An Uneven Playing Field for Black Women

"Men (including African-American men) write back to African-American women at about a 20% lower rate. This result is somewhat reminiscent of the famous resume study done by Marianne Bertrand and Sendhil Mullainathan, which found that employers who place want ads were less likely to respond to resumes from people with African-American sounding names."

In a nutshell, it indicates that black women, based on a study of messaging statistics, are lowest on the desire totem pole for men... even men who claim that they have no racial preference. Sheesh. With so many different types of black women to chose from these days, I would've imagined the desire level would've gone up.

If everyone, including black men, find other races of women more desirable than black women, what does it mean for us? Seriously? Are black women the plague? Are we honestly unattractive to men (doesn't Beyonce, Keri and Halle refute that theory)? What is the issue, dude? Like, I really want to know. And don't come with the "black women have high expectations and are too angry" theory either. Been there, done that--- I need something new and current.

It's sickening to me, the stigma that black women apparently carry. And it's even more sickening that when everyone else finds us "undesirable"... black men can't even come to our defense.

Sigh.

Dude, I'm sooo going back to South Africa where I'm viewed as exotic.

It's just nice to feel wanted.

4 comments:

boi-dan said...

I love black women, nothing else. But with 70% of the black community being born in wedlock, it causes problems ->

Males - Prison in most cases.
Females - Misinformed in most cases, which increases their odds of staying single. When they don't have a template of a father and never had a man in their household that they respect, this usually manifest itself into unintentional but harmful male-female interactions and dating habits later on in their life, especially if their mother is bitter.

And this behavior is hard to change b/c most folks hate and avoid self-correction. Like the Holy Bible quote says "raise a child in the way they should go and they will NEVER..." but this is true for children raised the wrong way, there twisted understanding is "the way they will go" and always come back to in most cases.

We can all agree something obvious like taking a child to the store with just a pamper on is ghetto, but if someone was to point at our own proverbial pamper, we'd be quick to put our hands in our ears.

More black marriages and looking at wedlock realistically will solve a lot of problems.

Some black women are too aggressive, this could validly be from having a harder time in society, slavery, etc.. but at the end of the day just like I can't realistically use that card to guilt the judge, black women can't realistically use it to guilt their way into marriage.

I believe that Race & Romance study results is mostly because of hoodrats who give black women a black eye.

Jeff "PK" Cohran said...

jacinta,

i wrote a response. it was 900 words long, so i posted it on my blog. it started as a simple response, but it got too long.

www.iamjeffcohran.wordpress.com

this is why i read your stuff. it sparks my thoughts. great read, patty. lol.

Anonymous said...

Ha ha ha, well you never actually addressed the black women being angry and very hostile part. You sort of brushed it off. I am not black, was never attracted to black women but they appear to be very hostile. Well, no, not 100% but a huge let's say 80% of them. How do I know? I actually counted every time a female black employee/person will act in a hostile and aggressive manner. Yaap, 8 out 10, across the board.

Deborrah said...

The ridiculous thing about men seeing BW as "aggressive" is the comparison to White women. Everyone in the world knows that White females are passive-aggressive. They won't get aggressive to your face, but they will get you later when you least expect it, in some underhanded sneaky way. Like bleach your favorite jeans so you are devastated. "Forget" to pick up your suit from the cleaners so you have to go to your meeting looking like a fool. "Spill" a drink on your flash drive and you lose all your stored data.

Men are afraid of Black women's directness, that's all it is. We don't play those silly games and tell a man about himself. Black men are also more aggressive than White males. I believe its just part of our culture to fight and say what needs to be said because that's what we've always had to do to make it.

People are for the most part followers Jacinta. They couldn't have an original thought even if someone gave it to them gift-wrapped! So if they hear someone say "all black women are aggressive!" they will repeat the nonsense like a parrot. SMH.

My Daddy always said "half the world is stupid" and attitudes like this verify his assertion.